


Long Live The Car Crash Hearts

by lumovr



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 14:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumovr/pseuds/lumovr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan just moved to London, hoping to get a little bit more freedom from his family and for himself. All he wanted was just a simple, normal life. Albeit a little boring it may be, but he expected that, what he did not expect, though, was falling in love with the guy who kinda hates him, who also lives right across the hall from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dan sighs heavily as he hulls the last of the boxes into his new apartment. It was so hot and he honestly didn't feel like moving another inch for at least five years but he knew that if he sat down now, he wouldn't want to get back up, and he would just live in his new apartment looking like this forever. 

He starts to tear open the boxes, sorting the things out, and trying to find a place to put them. Packing was definitely a lot easier than unpacking, he concludes after three hours of vigorous slicing through parcel tape with an exacto knife. 

He was seriously about to have a mental break down when his phone started to ring. 

"Hi, Mom.

"Yes, I'm in my apartment right now. London's great, although I really haven't done much sight seeing.

"What do you mean? I've been unpacking since I got here.

"I promise I'll call you as soon as the house is suitable for visitors.

"Ok, I love you too, Mom."

He pockets his phone, looking around the room simultaneously. It was completely bare except for the stacks of boxes and tape on the floor. He pushes the hair that has started sticking to his face out of the way, and leans over, starting on the next box. 

After about twenty minutes, Dan finally decides that he can't take anymore of the silence that has taken up way too much room in the empty house. He grabs the speaker (that he thankfully unpacked a while ago) and plugs his phone in. The first song that plays on shuffle is by Muse, creating a small smile on the boy's face. However it soon falls when he picks up the knife, cutting through the tape on the next box of endless boxes. 

After about another twenty-thirty minutes, he hears a soft knock on the door. His hands freezes as he tried to think of anyone he knew who lived in London who might have possibly known about the move. But as he thinks, he draws a blank, and the knocking only becomes louder. 

He slowly opens the door, hoping that it was a nice neighbor, welcoming his arrival. 

"Hello?", he barely manages. 

A man just a little bit shorter than him stands there, his arms crossed. 

"Although I'm just as big of a Muse fan as I'm sure you are, it's really hard to fucking concentrate on my work when I can hear music blasting through the walls.", the man says. 

Although the words come out a little harsh, it's not as cold as maybe the guy would like to make it out. Maybe it was his voice, or maybe it was the bright blue sonic shirt the guy was wearing. 

"Oh, uh...sorry. I didn't know anyone could he-"

"Yeah, whatever, just turn it down. Ok?", the guy starts to turn away before quickly turning back, making Dan jump a little, "Oh, by the way, I'm Phil, your neighbor."

Dan, a little baffled, awkwardly nods. He wants to apologize again, not wanting to get on anyone's bad side the first day he's there, but the guy has already gone before Dan could utter anything out. Much to Dan's horror, the guy was living just across the hall from him. 

He realizes he's still standing with the door open, and quickly shuts it. 

Unpacking becomes a little harder in the silence.


	2. Chapter 2

The door swings open with ease when Dan tumbles in. It's like he's drunk but that's impossible because between working and sleeping, he's had no time to go to the bar or even drink at home.

He walks pass the kitchen and straight into his bedroom and plops down on the bed in one swift motion, not even bothering to take off his clothes. He can feel the emptiness of his stomach and the small aching tug of hunger but he just pulls the duvet over his shoulder. He can just fucking eat tomorrow morning. 

*

Today was his first free day off and he was going to take advantage of it. His house was still filled with a few unopened boxes, but those were mostly filled with decorations. 

The first box he opens are picture frames. He stares at the few pictures he had of his family, and although he really didn't feel like standing up, Dan thinks that maybe the apartment would look just a little more inviting with them hung up. He sets his coffee mug on the floor, exchanging it for a hammer (that he left out from putting together a wardrobe earlier). 

He was nailing in the last frame when a knock on the door caught him off guard, making him fall off the chair he was standing on. Luckily, he wasn't too high off the floor. Another knock comes and Dan groans as he gets up, running towards the door. 

Just like the first night, the man with the blue sonic shirt-he was wearing a red plaid shirt this time- was standing there. Dan tries to recall his name, was it... Phil? 

Phil sticks his arm out, a package in his hand. 

"You put the wrong address. The mail man has been ringing my house for the past ten minutes asking for a Dan Howell."

Dan doesn't say anything when he grabs the package, a little embarrassed for the stupid mistake he made. 

"And can you quiet down with the banging? Today's my free day off and I'd like to get a little bit more sleep."

And just like the last time, he's left standing in the hall before he quickly closes the door shut. 

*

It's pouring by the time Dan gets off of work, and he's drenched by the time he gets to his apartment. His shoes squeak as he walks towards the elevator, but there's someone already standing there. Phil's arms are crossed, but unlike Dan, he wasn't soaking wet because he actually remembered to take an umbrella when he left. Dan's still getting use to the London weather. 

There's an awkward silence between them as the elevator goes up. Neither of them really do anything about it. It wasn't really till Dan heard the familiar ding of the lift that he finally decided to speak up, he didn't want Phil to think of him as the loud neighbor forever. 

"So you like Sonic, right?", Dan blurts out. 

He wants to slap himself in the face for being such a dork. 

Phil looks back at him, a little confused at the sudden outburst. But unlike what Dan thought would happen, which was Phil ignoring him, he just smiled a little. 

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I remember your sonic shirt."

He laughs, "Right. I got that as a gift."

Dan scoffs, "Sure."

"What about you?", Phil asks, digging in his pocket for his apartment key. 

"Yeah, I love it."

"Are you any good?"

"I'm great at it."

Phil smirks, "Really?"

"I could probably beat you."

"Doubt it. I've spent way too much -"

Dan thinks that maybe Phil suddenly stopped talking because they were in front of their doors but he notices a guy awkwardly standing in front of Phil's apartment. The man looks a little unsure as he stands there, switching glances between himself and Phil. 

"What are you doing here, Chris?", Phil asks, a certain coldness to his voice that Dan's never heard before. 

Like Phil himself, Dan's frozen at the spot. 

"I thought I'd come by and say hi.", the other guy says quietly. 

"Why?"

The other physically tenses, his hands fisting by his side. 

"Oh c'mon, Phil. We are best friends, I haven't talked to you in ages."

Phil's standing a lot closer to Dan than he remembered. He can see Phil's knuckles turning white from where he was holding his bag a little too tight. 

"We were best friends, Chris. Go talk to Catherine if you really need some company, it's not like she's living with you."

Phil's the first one to move when he goes to unlock his door. Chris looks at Dan a little unsure, but turns back around to Phil, his voice quieter this time when he speaks. 

"Cat and I have been having some problems. Phil, please...I've missed you."

Phil doesn't say anything but looks up at Dan, "We should play sonic sometimes, see if you can really beat me."

The two men are gone inside the apartment before Dan could say anything back. 

That night, Dan can't help but think that Phil is a fucking hypocrite when it comes to making loud noises.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan doesn't really hear back about the offer from Phil, it's not like he really thought that it was going to happen. But even so, Dan may have been a little colder to Phil than he would've been when he runs into him on the way to work. He's not sure if it's really because of the lack of invite or because of what happened those few nights ago when that Chris guy was over. He could hear them through his bedroom wall, and it wasn't until after an hour that he finally decided to move to the couch and sleep there instead. 

He can't deny that Phil wasn't extremely good looking. He had a black fringe that slightly fell into his eyes whenever he talked, and although he was a little shorter than Dan, he had broader shoulders. And as cliche as it may sound, Phil had amazing blue eyes that kinda makes Dan want to stare at them whenever he sees Phil. 

Luckily, he restrained himself this time. 

"Hey.", Dan says when they step into the lift. 

"Oh, hi.", Phil replies, a little lost in the conversation he was having on his phone. His thumb was running across his screen like he was writing a fucking book. 

"Do you...um...want to maybe hang out tonight? Have a beer or something at my place?"

Phil looks up and it takes a lot of self control for Dan to not get completely lost in his eyes. 

He's biting his lip, actually contemplating Dan's offer, but he drops the gaze, and something in Dan drops too. 

"Um, don't think that's a good idea.", he says. 

Phil walks out, without saying goodbye. 

*

The entire day is torture. He sits there scanning the items while people shout at him as if it's his fault that they're not carrying the color coral blue number two. He's on the verge of a mental breakdown by the time his shift is over. 

He see's the few guys he works with get into a car, laughing about some stupid customer. Something in Dan stings a little. He's never had any real friends, maybe the kind that would invite you to sit at the open spot at the lunch table, but he always came last when it came to picking partners in class. 

Maybe that's why it hurt him a little, when Phil declined his offer for free beer. 

When he gets close to the apartment, he notices a cop car is parked outside. As he gets closer, he sees that the cop is talking to Phil. He walks a little closer, expecting to get shooed away, but instead, Phil calls him over. 

"This is Dan, the owner of the place."

The police looks at Dan, a sympathetic look on his face. 

"W-What's going on?", Dan asks. 

"Your house got broken in to."

Something in Dan finally snaps. A day of horrible customers, shitty co workers, and getting rejected by the guy he kinda has a crush on, and he now has to deal with this. It doesn't help that he's been seriously deprived of any social contact for the past month, his own mom telling him that she "really didn't have time to talk to you right now". 

Dan doesn't really care when the police gives him a weird look for crying. 

"What's gone?", Dan stutters out. 

Phil looks at Dan, his bottom lips between his teeth. 

"Kinda everything except for the really big furniture's."

"Well it's not like I had much stuff anyways.", Dan mumbles to himself, trying to wipe away the tears that had fallen. 

"Well I filled out the report. I'll go down to the station and see if there's any way to get your stuff back. We'll call you as soon as we find anything. Your lock is broken so you should probably get that fixed soon. Have a safe night you guys."

He sits down on the steps leading into the apartment, groaning into his hands. Luckily he brought his laptop with him today, so at least he still has that.

"I was going into my apartment when I saw that the lock on your door was broken. I went inside to look and some of your clothes is still there, not much though. And it also looks like they didn't take anything too personal.", Phil says, sitting down next to him. 

"Thanks for calling the police.", Dan mutters out. 

Maybe this was a bad idea, moving to London on his own and all. He's not meeting any new people, and he's definitely not finding himself either. In fact, this entire experience has only further reminded him of his horrible childhood of solitude and confinement.

He laughs but there's no humor behind his words. 

"It's funny. I came here to be more free from my old life but all that has happened is more solitude and loneliness. At least I had family back home.", he says, not really to Phil but to himself. 

"Why do you despise me so much?", Dan finally gets out, turning to look at Phil. 

Phil turns to look at him, a startled expression on his face. 

"I don't-I don't despise you."

"Well you definitely don't like me."

"You're loud."

"I played muse that one night."

"And the banging?"

"I just moved here, you didn't honestly expect it to be completely quiet for the first couple of months, did you?"

Phil sighs, kicking a rock near his feet.

"It's not you that I despise, ok? It's that fucking apartment and all it's memories."

Dan doesn't know how to respond. It's not like he can just ask why he hates that apartment so much.

"If someone died in that place, I'm pretty sure you have to tell me."

Phil laughs, "No, no one died in there."

Phil sighs again,"Look, Dan, why don't I treat us to some frozen pizza? I'm pretty sure they emptied your fridge too."

"Christ.", Dan mumbles. 

Phil stands up, "Well?"

"Oh...you're being serious?"

"If you're going to be my neighbor, we might as well try to like each other.", he says, opening the front door and disappearing inside. 

Dan quickly jumps up, following after him. 

*

"Why did you leave?"

Phil puts down the pan of pizza on the living room coffee table. He hands Dan a beer, sitting down next to him. Dan reaches for a slice, his stomach grumbling in agreement. He hasn't eaten since last night, and even then, it was just a bowl of cereal. 

"I felt too trapped back home. Besides, it wasn't like it was that hard to leave either, besides my parents, I don't really have much there."

"No friends? Girlfriends?...Boyfriends?"

Dan chuckles, shaking his head, "No. I was never that popular at school."

Dan felt the conversation growing a little too intimate, and was thankful when Phil decided to change the topic, probably feeling the same. 

"Where do you work?"

"Some arts and crafts store. What about you?"

"I have a radio show."

Dan looks at up him, unaware he was talking to such a big 'star'.

"Oh? That's cool."

"Yeah, you should give it a listen sometime."

"Ok."

There's no more conversations after that. They eat the pizza in silent while watching some cartoon that Phil had put in before hand. Dan couldn't recognize what it was, but it seemed familiar. He can just barely recall watching something like this when he was a kid. 

After a while, Phil yawns and stretches. He picks up the plates and empty bottles of beer, bringing them to the kitchen. Dan's about to say thanks and head out when Phi stops him. 

"You should just stay tonight...until you can call the locksmith tomorrow?"

Phil rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Just a day ago, he hated this guy that he's now offering his home to, it was just slightly an awkward situation. 

"I mean, the door kinda hangs open, and I'm sure it'll be hard sleeping in there. I have a guest room."

Dan chews on his lips, thinking over the offer, "Really?"

Phil shrugs, and Dan smiles. 

"Yeah, ok. Thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

Dan hasn't really said much to Phil since the night his house got broken in to. Phil's not so cold to him anymore, offering a small smile when they see each other in the hall. But neither of them have made a move in inviting each other over either. 

He's absentmindedly stacking card stock when some customer pulls him out of his own world. 

'Great,' Dan thinks, 'another person whose going to ask me what the difference is between a 16x13 frame and a 16x11 one.'

He sighs and turns around, but instead of some stupid customer, he's greeted by Phil. 

"Oh, Dan. Hi."

"Hey."

Phil looks at everything but Dan, creating a thick tension in the air. 

"Um, can I help you?"

Phil's cheeks go red, "Oh right! Sorry. I'm looking for some glow in the dark paint, it's for the radio show tonight."

Dan nods, leading Phil to the aisle with paint. When they get there, Dan just stands there while Phil picks out different colors of paint. He's not sure why he's just waiting there, but it's not like there's anything else for him to do. 

"I can ring you up?", Dan says, pointing at an empty cash register. 

After swiping the last bottle of paint, Phil finally decides to break the silence. 

"When do you get off of work?", he asks, handing Dan his credit card. 

"Actually, you're my last customer."

He smiles, "Really? Well um, this is going to be weird, but I'm walking to the station...do you think you could come with me? You know, help me carry the paint?"

*

Dan doesn't know if this is really allowed but everyone kind of just ignores him as they run around, trying to figure out where they should be, and what they should be doing. Phil told him that he could stay and watch the show if he wanted, and it's not like Dan had any plans after work so of course he agreed. Every few minutes or so, Phil would turn around to look at him, giving a shy smile, as if he was checking if Dan was still there. 

After the show, they stop by at a cafe a street down from the apartment, Phil offering to buy coffee. 

"A token of gratitude for waiting for me.", Phil says when he sets down a cup of coffee in front of Dan. 

He tried refusing but Phil wouldn't have any of it.

"Thanks, really."

Phil just smiles at him. They sit comfortably like that for a while, both of them slowly sipping their drink while talking about their interests as if this was something they do every Monday night. Every so often, Phil would laugh or smile at something Dan said, and something warm would spread through his body and he didn't think it was because of the coffee. They probably wouldn't have left if it weren't for the barista kicking them out. 

Their bones are aching by the time they get to their apartments, every single one of their moves sluggish despite the coffee they drunk earlier. Phil didn't bother turning on the hallway lights as they walked to their separate homes. Dan thinks that maybe his home was more of a 'house' than a home, unlike Phil's. 

Before Dan can slip into his house, a hand on his arm stops him. He turns around, trying to look at Phil's face through the darkness but it's straining on his eyes. 

"Maybe you could come over to my house tomorrow, we can finally see if you can actually beat me in Sonic."

Dan chuckles but it get's lost in the room. 

"Ok.", he whispers, not wanting to disrupt the quietness of the hall. 

Phil's hand lingers for a few more seconds, but he still pulls away first. 

"Um, goodnight. Seeya tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

Dan can't really make out Phil's face but he thinks he sees a smile right before the boy disappears into his home. 

He thinks that maybe moving wasn't such a bad idea anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

They both want to rip each others head off by the time they finish playing sonic but fortunately, both men got to keep their dignity. Well, Dan at least because he beat Phil on his first try. 

"How the hell is someone that good at a game."

"I told you, the secret is being deprived of any social interaction for their entire childhood."

Phil hands Dan a water bottle. He opens it taking a sip before continuing, "So you really didn't have any friends when you were younger?"

Phil, shrugs, sitting down on the chair next to him as if it was just a simple question. It probably was, but Dan still felt a little sting in his heart whenever that topic was brought up with anyone. 

"I had friends, just none that'd voluntarily call me to hang out on an off day." 

"Why?"

"Guess we'll never know."

Phil chuckles, "Well you're...you're pretty cool."

Dan smiles. 

*

"So whose that Chris guy that was in front of your apartment a few weeks ago?", Dan asks. 

He breaks apart pieces of his blueberry muffin, offering it to Phil. They're sitting at the cafe down the street again. They find it the best place to hang out besides Phil's house, because well...they've been hanging out a lot. And Dan doesn't want to make this out to be more than what it is but he gets this fuzzy warm feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever Phil looks at him and smiles. 

However, Phil doesn't smile this time when Phil answers. 

"He's an old friend."

"Oh? Judging by the noises...he sounded more than an old friend."

It's not like Dan was jealous, because he wasn't, and he doesn't want to come off as jealous either because it's not like Phil is his best friend, and he really doesn't have any right what so ever to be jealous. But he can't help but feel that it did come of a little pushy. 

Phil looks up at him, his cheeks a crimson color. 

"Oh, you heard."

Dan shrugs, putting a piece of muffin in his mouth. 

"Well um, our history was...complicated."

Dan looks at Phil and can tell that he wants to say more but is unsure. Does he think Dan will judge him? Because he won't. 

"I mean, it's not like you have to tell me, but I'm not going to judge you if you do."

Phil gives a weak smile, "It's just that-Our relationship wasn't a good one, and it took a while to get over it."

Phil stirs his green tea with a stick, trying to find the right words and sentences. Dan doesn't push him, just waits silently. 

"Chris and I were best friends. I actually met him at the radio station and it wasn't until that night that we found out we lived right across the hall from each other. It was a fast friendship...and I soon started having feelings for him. I was sure he had feelings for me too but he told me that he was sorry he couldn't return the feelings after I confessed mine. Then he found this girl, Catherine, and she's great and all but...she's not me, I'm not her. 

They started seeing each other and we stopped hanging out more and more and then one day...he tells me that they're getting their own place together. They don't live too far away from here, and I tried to rekindle our friendship but he never returned any of my calls and that day, when you were there....that was the first time I've seen or heard from him since he moved. It's been maybe a year or so."

Dan wants to find a way to comfort him but there's nothing he can do about Phil's past. He hesitantly reaches up, setting a hand on Phil's. He's practically trembling, unsure of his own actions but Phil looks up, smiling that amazing smile at him. 

"Do you...still love him?"

Phil's eyes drop back to the cup of tea. 

"I thought I got over him, but that night...I just ended up recovering all of the feelings I tried so hard to hide."

Dan quickly pulls his hand away, as if Phil's skin has burnt him. Phil has a desperate look on him. 

"I don't think I ever really loved him...at least I don't feel the same way I use to when I look at him. But it's hard getting over someone you wanted so badly but could never have."

Dan understands, he really does. And it suddenly hits him hard. He doesn't say anything though, just keeps quiet, eating his blueberry muffin. 

"It's not fair that he can just walk back into my life, messing me up and just...leave again. I haven't heard anything from him since that night."

"Well, if it's meant to be...then it's meant to be. If you really...love him...keep trying."

Phil's shoulder drops as if someone put a load of bricks on them. He sighs, " I don't love him, but-" 

He drops his face into his hands, letting out a groan. 

"I want him because I can't have him. I'm a horrible person."

Dan can't bare the sight of Phil like this. He gently wraps his fingers around Phil's wrists, slowly pulling them away from his face. 

"It doesn't make you a horrible person, it just makes you a human being."


	6. Chapter 6

Phil leans in, kissing Dan softly. It's so gentle that Dan doesn't even register it at first. But slowly, his hands reach up to Phil's face. His hands are drawing circles at the back of Dan's neck, making a shiver run through his body. 

"I want you too, Dan.", Phil whispers against his cheek. 

Dan chuckles against Phil's lips, "Just a month ago you hated my guts."

Phil kisses Dan once more before finally pulling away, "Yeah? Well people change."

The lights were off, neither of them having bothered to turn it on, but Dan could just make out the small smile on Phil's face from the tiny bit of light seeping through his window. Dan smiled back, never having felt this content before. 

"Goodnight, Daniel.", Phil whispers before retreating back to his apartment, closing the door silently. 

*

Dan swears he's never had to deal with so many idiots in one day. He's actually trying really hard to be upset about it but no matter how many customers he has to talk to, he can't help but smile at the thought of Phil's lips on his. He didn't see him this morning like he usually does, but he thinks it's probably because it was his off day. 

His break isn't for another hour but he still answers his phone when it rings, not bothering to look at the caller I.D so, of course, he was a little surprised when he hears Phil on the other side of the line and not his mother, the only person who ever actually called him. 

"Hey, sorry I didn't see you this morning. I wanted to but I slept in."

Dan blushes even though the other boy couldn't see him, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Why don't you come back to mine after work? I'll make some dinner and we can play this new game I bought."

"Sounds great."

There's a second of silence, like they're suppose to say something but neither one of them does. Phil finally talks after three seconds of nothing. 

"Well I'll see you then, bye."

When he's changing back into his own clothes and can hear his co-workers talking about going to the bar afterwards, he finds that he's not bitter like he usually is, instead, all he can think about on the walk home is what Phil's going to make for dinner.


	7. Chapter 7

"I didn't know you played the piano.", Phil said, sitting down on the bed in his guest room. 

"I didn't know you had a piano.", Dan retorted. 

"Yeah, well I don't know how to play so that's why I keep it in here."

Phil absent mindedly gestures to the entire room, focusing more on Dan's hands and how much they look like hands a successful pianist would have. He has long, slender fingers that seem to be built for reaching keys. Phil isn't quite sure if it's possible for someone to be so attracted to god damn hands. 

"If you don't know how to play, why do you have one?", Dan asks, tapping out a soft tune. 

"It was my brothers, but he didn't have anywhere to put it when he moved."

Dan could only bring his keyboard when he moved to London, having to leave his piano behind at his parents house.

"I have a keyboard but it doesn't sound remotely as nice as this."

Phil smiles, "Well you're welcome to come over and play whenever you want as long as you play something for me."

Dan laughs, "Deal."

He starts playing a song that Phil doesn't recognize but he swears it's the prettiest thing he's ever heard, besides Dan's laugh. Phil focuses at the concentrated look on Dan's face even though his hands are moving so effortlessly across the keys. His fingers don't miss a beat, Phil doesn't even realize it's over until a few seconds afterwards. 

"That was...beautiful."

Dan's face instantly heats up, turning red. 

"It wasn't that gr-"

"You're beautiful.", Phil blurts out. 

The room fills with silence and Dan is sure that it is so quiet that Phil could probably hear how fast his heart is beating. He wants to say something but doesn't know exactly how he's suppose to respond, 'You too'? He could say that but he'd sound like a huge fucking dork.

"Sorry.", Phil finally says after another minute of silence. 

"Do you want some tea?", He asks, standing up. 

Dan feels terrible but he doesn't know what to do to make the situation less awkward. 

"Um...yeah."

Phil gives a weak smile before turning around but before he could get too far, Dan grabs his wrist, stopping the boy from going any further. He turns around, staring at the floor, refusing to look up. Dan leans down, kissing him gently on the cheek, "You're quite gorgeous yourself."

Phil, despite the fact that he was sure he'd die right then and there, giggles, "Thanks."

*

They're lying on Phil's couch, watching reruns of Buffy that Phil somehow managed to find. Dan's honestly kinda lost interest about three episodes ago but Phil still hasn't taken his eyes off the screen and Dan finds it a little endearing, so he doesn't say anything. It isn't bad, it's actually pretty good, but it's hard for Dan to pay attention when Phil's hands are running through his hair. He's never really felt any affection like this before. Dan never wants to get off this couch if it means that he could feel this way forever. 

Phil stretches, yawing as he does so, pulling Dan out of his trance. He turns to Dan, shutting the TV off. 

"So, what do you think?"

"It's good.", Dan says, stretching himself. 

His entire body is stiff from not moving for who knows how long. He's a little upset that he couldn't stay on the couch forever, Phil's hands in his hair...even if it was a ridiculous request. 

"Not really your thing, huh?", Phil says, a small smile on his face. 

He'd think that Phil would be a little upset or mad at him for not paying attention but there was only affection in his words. 

Dan shrugs, "I like it, but I just...I've got some other things on my mind."

All he could think of was how nice Phil's hand feels running through his hair, and how nice it feels against his skin, and how nice everything...just...is when it comes to him. 

Phil's eyes turn into what looks like concern and curiosity.

"Want to talk about it?"

Dan shakes his head, "No, it's nothing bad."

"Ok, well you can talk to me."

Dan gives a small smile, "I know."

He catches Dan off a little when he grabs Dan's hand, interlocking their fingers. Dan looks up, a little startled when he sees the other's light blue eyes staring back. 

"I mean it Dan. I know we've only known each other for a few months, and only have really known each other for about a couple, but you can tell me anything. I want you to...you know...talk to me." 

Dan finds his smile growing wider.


	8. Chapter 8

Dan felt like being thrown off a cliff by the time his shift was over at the store, he wanted to just crawl into a gutter and sleep there for days. He stayed up all night talking to Phil about basically...everything. They told each other what their dreams were, what they think the meaning of life is, their view on politics, which Final Fantasy was the best, and just about every other opinion and secret you can humanly provide. And though it was amazing, and Dan's happy that he got a glimpse of Phil's head, he was so fucking tired. 

He closed his eyes for a second when he was standing in the train and the next thing he knows, he's falling face first into the floor. The entire cart fills with muffled laughter and Dan makes sure that he doesn't drift off again. 

He's practically dragging himself up the stairs by the time he gets to his apartment. He honestly doesn't even know why he's that tired, it's not like he hasn't had all nighters before, sometimes he even forgets to sleep. But today, he just can't fucking wait to swan dive into his bed, but of course, like all things, something has to ruin it for him. 

Dan doesn't think that he could ever get tired of seeing, hearing, or talking to Phil, but he was seconds away from passing out right then and there and Phil just had to pop his fucking cute little head out to stop him. 

"Hey, I heard you coming up the stairs, wanna come over?"

Dan sighs, was it even possible for him to say no? He nods tiredly, walking in. 

"You ok?", Phil asks, helping Dan take his coat off because he clearly couldn't do it himself, literally. 

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

Phil blushes, smiling sheepishly, "Sorry for keeping you up last night, I forget that not everyone's as lucky as to have the same work schedule as I do."

Dan chuckles, "Don't you have to work today?"

Phil nods, "But not till later. Do you wanna come with me to listen to me waffle about nothing for an hour?"

"If I'm still awake by then."

It wasn't till Dan's eyes flashed confusion that Phil suddenly remembered why he even invited Dan over. 

"Oh right!", Phil declares, his blush growing brighter. 

"This is Pj, he's one of my best friends, and Pj, this is Dan, also one of...my best friends."

Dan immediately turns to look at Phil as if he's declared his undying love for him. But Dan has never had a best friend. He's never even had a proper friend before and here Phil was introducing him to one of the most important person in his life to him.

Dan doesn't even hear Phil talking until he waves his hands in front of his face. He looks up and Phil obviously knows the importance of the title he gave Dan, he told Phil last night about the lack of a best friend, friendships in general, when he was growing up. 

The blush on Phil was even more red now. 

"Uh, I thought that you guys should meet and...I don't know...we could all hang out...or something."

Pj stands up, walking over to him. Dan reaches his hands out for a handshake but instead he's met with a hug. 

"Any friend of Phil is a friend of mine."

Phil laughs, shoving Pj in the shoulder, "Shut up, you guys have never even met before."

"Well judging by all the things Phil told me, you sound like a great guy.", he says to Dan. 

Dan can't help but feel a small blush working onto his face. Phil just rolls his eyes, pulling Dan towards the couch. 

"Pj brought this board game, I thought we could play it.", he says, bouncing with excitement like a small child. 

Dan kinda never wants this moment to be over, he swears he's never been this happy before. Pj is so charismatic and funny. Dan learned that he had a youtube channel where he made short films and videos, he made a mental note to watch them later, Phil claims they're the best things in the world.

But Phil had to go to the radio station soon, and Pj had to catch the train so they were forced to say their farewells. 

"We should do this again, sometime soon.", Pj says when he's walking out. 

They wave him off and Dan's sure Phil's going to kick him out, sick of him from having to hang out for a few hours, but instead, Phil just slips on his own jacket. 

"Ready to go?"

"You were serious?", Dan asks, taking his jacket that Phil handed to him. 

"Yeah, unless...you don't want to go?"

"No! No, of course I want to go. I just...I thought you'd be sick of me by now.", Dan says quietly. 

Phil chuckles, "C'mon, I don't want to be late."

They don't talk about much on the way there. Dan asks how he chooses the songs and what he's going to talk about on the show, and Phil answers them without a seconds hesitation. 

"I usually just talk about something funny that I found on the internet, or something traumatic that usually always ends up happening to me."

Dan laughs, "You make it sound so easy."

"Well it gets easier after a while but you still get nervous about playing the wrong song, pressing the wrong button, or accidentally saying something on air you're not suppose to."

Dan sits in the corner, watching the whole show unravel and he thinks it's truly spectacular how Phil answers the questions with ease and transitions like he's been doing it for his entire life. Towards the last song, Phil meets eyes with Dan, giving him a small smile. 

"This songs dedicated to anyone you're glad to have in your life right now.", Phil says, before smiling once more to the camera right as it turns off. 

Dan knows who Phil meant to say that to, but he's choosing to just pretend like it didn't happen. No one's ever really appreciated him like that, no one's ever wanted Dan to be there with them, he kinda just always...was. He knows it was a silly thing Phil said, not to be taken seriously, but he can't help the small blush creeping onto his cheek as Phil walks over to him. 

"What do you think? Judging by the fact that you're not bored to death right now, I would say it was quite successful?."

Dan giggles, "It was really fun watching you do that. Although the last time I came with you was even funnier."

Phil laughs, remembering how he had to get splashed in the face with an array of different colored paint on live air. 

"Yeah, I think I still have some purple in my hair from that."

It's freezing when they leave the building, Dan justifies his closeness to Phil with the bitter wind. Their shoulders are touching, and Dan can just slightly feel the heat radiating off of Phil's hands where they were mere inches away from his own.

He wants to so desperately feel Phil's skin against his own. He could do it, he's sure Phil wouldn't shake him off, but for whatever reason, his gut is telling his heart no. He's chewing on his lip, having a silent battle within himself, not knowing what the right move is, because although he loved the late night conversations, and midday smiley emoji's, he wanted more. He wants to know what it's like to not be so alone at night, wants to know what it's like to wake up with someone next to him, he wants to absent mindedly add an 'I love you' to the end of a phone call. He's a hopeless romantic, he doesn't deny it, and he'd shower Phil in all the rose petals and kisses he could offer, but something's keeping him away. Maybe it's the fact that there's something Phil's hiding, not in fear of what Dan would do if he found out, but in fear of what he, himself, would do if he remembered.

Phil looks like the kinda person who has some baggage, nothing horrible or traumatizing, but enough for someone to be wary. Dan's not saying he cares, because he'd take on any baggage Phil would have, but he doesn't want to make the wrong move. Dan's really good at making those.

"I'll buy you some chocolate cake at the café?", Phil says, snapping Dan out of his internal monologue.

Phil was pointing towards the general direction of the café, the warmth long gone, and any form of courage that was in Dan had gone with it. 

"Ok."

They're met with a puff of warm air when they step inside. The entire place smells like coffee and cinnamon and Dan's suddenly reminded of how much he didn't mind the cold when they brought along things like this.

They grab a table farthest away from the door that was constantly being pulled open and letting in cold air. Just because Dan didn't mind it, didn't mean he still wanted to freeze to death every few minutes.

"I can't believe there's so much people coming in this late at night.", Phil says, rubbing his hands together.

"We're here aren't we?"

Phil just smirks at Dan's comment.

The waitress sets the slice of cake down in front of Dan, and the cup of coffee in front of Phil.

"Should you really be drinking that at 10:30 at night?"

Phil shrugs, "I like their chestnut coffee."

Dan just smiles, adding this to the list of 'Phil Things' that's only getting longer.

"So you never really told me what you do outside of work. I mean, you only do the radio show once a week, you must get bored the other six days?"

Phil swirls the coffee around with a tiny spoon, "Well, I do a lot of planning, and I help edit videos for BBC. They usually give me some stuff to work on, but mostly, I just play a lot of video games."

"Wow, the ideal life.", Dan says.

He knows Phil works hard, working for such a big company must put a lot of stress on his shoulders, but he'd give anything to have such free time like Phil. Plus, he get's to travel a lot, something Dan has always dreamed of doing.But instead, he's tied down to one job that barely gets him by, the very thing that pushed him away from his previous home. 

He shakes that last thought away though, because his old home didn't have Phil Lester, and that's a good enough reason for anyone to stay. 

"Yeah, it's pretty nice, but..."

Phil trails off, not really knowing how to finish the sentence.

"But...?", Dan tries, helping him along.

Phil sighs, "I don't know, it get's lonely. I don't really have that many friends, and Pj lives too far away for us to constantly hang out. It's kinda why I...why I'm so glad I have you now."

He's biting his lip, staring down at his coffee. His cheeks are red and Dan knows it's not from the cold. Suddenly, the feeling that he had where he wanted to hold Phil's hand was back and stronger than before, and he's sure Phil would let him. 

"What about you? What do you do when you're not working?", Phil asks, sitting up straighter. 

Dan sighs, his fist clenching in his lap. 

"Well I've been spending every day off with you."

Phil laughs, "Oh yeah. You should find some different friends, I'm getting sick of you eating all my pizza."

Dan knows he's joking but panic still runs through his body and his chest tightens a little. Phil could obviously tell because he quickly leans forward, eyes widening. 

"I'm joking, Dan."

"No, I know. It's just...I like you a lot, Phil.", he finally admits. 

Phil smiles, "I like you a lot too, Dan."

Dan sighs, frustration building up inside him, "No, Phil, I mean...I like you more than just...a friend."

The smile on Phil's face drops and he slouches in his chair. But he had to know that, Dan thinks, he had to know that he liked Phil a little more that just a friend. It's not like they haven't flirted before, and they've even kissed, Phil's even admitted his slight attraction towards Dan a few weeks back. So why does he seem so upset about it?

"Dan, I...I like you a lot too, but...I don't think I can really...commit to anything right now."

Dan's heart feels like it's about to fall apart at any moment. He knows about the whole Chris situation but it's been a year, and he thought that Phil wasn't in love with him anymore. 

"Why?"

Phil sighs, "I can't give my entire heart right now, and it's not fair to you." 

Dan doesn't know what hurts the most, the fact that Phil still has feelings for someone else, or the fact that Phil does have feelings for Dan, but it isn't strong enough for him to commit to it. 

Phil doesn't like the sudden shift in the mood, and he definitely doesn't like the heartbroken look on the younger boy's face. He thinks, no he knows he could fall in love with Dan, he's probably already half way there, but there's just something holding him back. He doesn't want to feel this way, but he just can't help it. 

"Dan, I wish I could give you all of me, I want to, but I just...I don't know what, but there's just something holding me back. It's like...I'm afraid to be in that vulnerable position again. I gave all of me to Chris, only to be rejected, and I don't know if I could go through something like that again." 

Dan would never do that to Phil though, in fact, it's Dan whose offering all of him to Phil right now. 

"Phil, I'd never leave you the way Chris did."

"I want to believe that! But neither of us can promise that we won't leave each other heart broken, and Dan, I can't go through that again."

He understands why Phil is so scared, but he can't keep himself from loving just because of the fear that he won't be loved back. How can anyone live like that? That's like never leaving your house in fear of the chance that you'll get hit by a car the moment you go out. 

"Phil, what would you loose if you let yourself fall in love with me?", Dan asks. 

Phil looks up, having been cut off guard by the question, but he knows the answer. Himself, everything, his sanity? It hurt like hell when Chris left him, he couldn't do anything but lie in bad for days, if it wasn't for Pj, and...Dan...he'd probably still be laying in bed crying his eyes out. 

"I think I'd loose something I can't even comprehend.", he finally says. 

Dan just sighs, "But what would you gain?"

Phil doesn't know the answer to the question this time.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan's head feels like it's going to explode from his massive head ache. He only got about three hours of sleep last night, and honestly, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for the fact that he only got a couple hours of sleep the previous night making it a total of about only five or six hours of sleep he's gotten in the past two days. Not to mention all he could think about was the small frown on Phil's face as they walked back to the apartment in silence. It wasn't necessarily awkward, but there was nothing comfortable about the silence that was between them. 

He's contemplating going back to sleep, if he even could with the pounding in his head, when his phone goes off. He groans, not wanting to socialize with anyone for a solid two months. Thank god today was his day off. 

"Hello?"

His voice is still raspy from his sleep, and he wouldn't be surprised if the person on the other line had no idea what just came out of his mouth. 

"Hi, Dan!" 

Dan smiles a little at the sound of his mothers voice. In all honesty, he was a little homesick. 

"Hi, Mom. Is something wrong? You usually don't call me this early."

"What do you mean? It's twelve. Did you just wake up! See, I knew living on your own was a bad idea. I bet you've been eating nothing but pizza too!"

Dan rolls his eyes at his mothers useless worries. He gets out of bed, only half listening to what his mom was saying. 

"Well anyways, your Dad and I are coming down later today. We still haven't seen your new place yet!"

Well that definitely caught Dan's attention. He freezes, "What?"

It wasn't that he didn't want to see his parents, in fact he misses them like crazy, but he just wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now. But of course, he couldn't tell his mom that so he agreed to pick them up at the station later. 

Like everything else today, he didn't want to leave his apartment, but he thinks that since he'll have guests over, he should probably do some grocery shopping because he has only been eating pizza and cereal for the past few days. 

He slips on a random t-shirt and a pair of sweats. He probably looks like he just rose from the dead, but he just got rejected by the only person he's ever truly loved, and if it looks like he's half dead, it's because he is. 

When Dan's parents walked off the train, it was like they had aged ten years. It's only been some months, but it feels like it's been forever since he's seen them. They were all exchanging hugs (and bags) when Dan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. They were in a taxi on the way to the apartment when it buzzed again. He hopes that Phil got the point of not wanting to talk, but of course, when the elevator door opened and his Mom and Dad filed out, he saw the boy standing in front of his door. It was a little heart warming to think that Phil had waited outside for him, but that just made all of the emotions he was trying to suppress even stronger. 

"Oh! Is this your neighbor...Phil?", Dan's mom asks. 

She doesn't know about Dan's particular interest in men, neither does his Dad and he wants to keep it that way. It's not like they could kick him out, but they could shun him, and Dan doesn't think he could ever handle that. He's overheard the comments his Mom and Dad made over the dinner table when they thought he was asleep, about how Dan was eighteen and still hasn't had a girlfriend yet, and how maybe he should get some help. 

His hands were slightly shaking when he walked around Phil to open his door, making sure to look at nothing but his trembling hands. 

"Um, yeah it is.", he mutters out, having a particularly hard time trying to fit the key into the keyhole, forcing them to be out in the hall way with the one guy he didn't want to be stuck in a hallway with at this moment. 

"Hi, Mrs. Howell.", Phil says, politely reaching out his hand. 

"So you're the guy that's been keeping Dan company since he's moved here. You know, I thought this was a bad idea because he didn't even have any friends back at home, but it's good that he met you. You should join us for dinner!"

Dan freezes just as the door pops open. No. He did not want to have a dinner where his parents and the guy he was hopelessly gay for would be sitting right across from each other. Not to mention, he knows he'll probably be either spending the time staring at Phil, or forcing himself to not stare at him. 

Dan starts shoving their suit case into the room, "Mom, I'm sure Phil's busy tonight."

And he didn't even mean to, but he curses inwardly when he catches the glimpse of hurt on Phil's face. He wants to just run over and hug him...

"Oh? Well I'm cooking, and I'm sure it's been a while for you since you've had a real home cooked meal."

Phil smiles at the thought, he misses his mom terribly but just haven't found the time to visit. 

"Well I'm sure I could give up some time from my busy schedule."

They're sitting around Dan's cramped dinner table that's only made for two, but somehow managed to fit all four of them. He wasn't really expecting to ever have this much company over in one night. His elbows were practically rubbing against Phil's and every time they touched, Dan's face would flush red and he'd quickly drop his arm. If Phil noticed his weird behavior, he did a good job of not acknowledging it. 

"So, Phil, are you married?", Dan's dad asks, taking a small sip of his wine. 

Phil blushes, "Um, no, sir."

"What about a girlfriend?", his Mom asks.

Dan prays to every god that's ever existed that Phil doesn't say anything about him and Dan. 

"No, I'm not in a relationship at all.", Phil says softly. 

Dan knows this of course, but the stinging feeling of Phil's rejection from just last night washes back over him. 

Phil suddenly puts his hand on Dan's thigh under the table, squeezing it gently. They were sitting too close together for his parents to notice, but Dan definitely did. He turns to look at Phil, casting a confused and bewildered look at him, but all his face is showing is a small smile, ignoring Dan's questioning gaze. 

"I kinda have my eyes on someone though, it's a little complicated.", Phil says. 

"Why? Does the girl not return the feelings?", Dan's dad asks with full interest. 

Phil chuckles, "Ugh, it's not like that, it's more like...well I wasn't sure before, but after a lot of thinking, and hi-them ignoring me, I kinda realized that I'm actually in love with them, more than I previously thought."

"Well what's the problem then?"

Dan's Mom has a small smile on her face, having no idea that Phil was talking about him. That Phil was in love with a boy, and that the boy was Dan, and it suddenly hits him what Phil just said. He just admitted his feelings towards him and he's not exactly sure what this means, but he can't help the huge grin creeping onto his face. 

Phil sighs, "Well I kinda freaked out a little, and I'm kinda embarrassed to talk to them again."

Dan finally speaks up, his voice slightly caught in his throat, "Well I'm sure they wouldn't think anything of it, especially if they return the feeling...which I'm sure they do."

They finally make eye contact, the first time that night, and Dan definitely does return the feelings.


	10. Chapter 10

They don't bring up the topic of Phil's love life again for the rest of dinner, and Dan's glad they don't ask him about it, too. Phil and him don't exchange any more glances than necessary either, but somehow they wounded up closer than possible, closer than they were before. His parents just talked about politics, neighborhood news like how this girl that Dan use to go to school with is pregnant and she's getting married soon, and how Dan's mother found this new recipe she wanted to try as soon as she got back home. Dan and Phil just sat quietly, eating their food, not saying anything but the occasional mutters of yes's, and mmm's. 

They don't even say anything when they're cleaning up the table, Dan telling his mother that he and Phil could handle it, and that they could just rest in the living room. The kitchen was filled with the sound of the running faucet and, occasionally, the soft clatter of the dishes whenever Phil finished drying one. Neither of them said anything, just enjoyed the almost quiet. 

It wasn't until Dan had told his parents that Phil and him were going to go to the store to get some drinks and popcorn for movie night, and they were about a street down from the house that the silence was finally broken. 

"It's nice out, I'm surprised we're not frozen to death by now.", Dan says as softly as possible, not wanting to ruin the quietness. London was rarely ever this quiet, and he wanted to bask it all in. 

"Yeah, perfect weather for walking."

They don't say anything after that. Dan grabs a jug of milk and three bags of popcorn while Phil goes across the store to find the soda. Phil insists on paying for it, and honestly, Dan doesn't care to object. 

They don't speak again till they're right in front of the apartment. Dan's about to walk in when Phil stops him by grabbing his hand. 

"Phil? What are you doing?"

Phil doesn't say anything though, just stares at the boy, admiring him. He knows Dan's the one, he can feel it in his gut, but he's so fucking scared because of that fact. 

"Phil, I know I said it was nice out earlier, but it's been like two hours, and I can feel icicles forming in places they should not be forming."

Phil let's out a small chuckle, making Dan blush. 

"You're beautiful, Dan."

His blushed deepens, and he looks away. 

"Seriously, Phil, stop."

Phil drops his hand, but he doesn't move. 

"I meant what I said about you in there, about us."

Dan keeps quiet, wanting to hear all of what Phil has to say. 

"I like you a lot, I think I even love you, but like I said yesterday, I'm so fucking scared. But when you went into your apartment last night, closed the door on me with no goodbye, or goodnight, no anything, I've never felt the sudden ache in my heart like that before, not even when Chris left me. Because that was more of a hurting pain, but my heart was aching last night, and I don't think I've ever felt that with anyone."

Phil says all of that in a matter of seconds and it takes Dan a few more to take it all in. 

What is Phil trying to say? That he loves him, is this him asking Dan to be his boyfriend? 

Phil sighs, he opens his mouth, but after a second he closes it again. Dan just stands there, waiting for him to say more. He knows there's something else. 

"I said something yesterday that was...wrong.", Phil says after a minute, "I told you that I could't give you all of me because part of it still belonged with Chris. But, that was a lie. I think I was just in love with the idea of him and me because I could never have it. I was just day dreaming, but this," he points at Dan and back at himself, "us, it's not a dream, it's real. And I'd be so fucking stupid to give it up over some guy who couldn't even bother to say goodbye."

Dan smiles, finally. He steps forward, so that there's less than an inch between them. 

"So what does this mean...for us?"

Phil reaches up to touch Dan's face. It's cold against his hands, sending a shiver down his body, he quickly puts his other hand up to try to warm the boy's skin. 

"Whatever you want it to mean. I just know that as long as you're mine, and that I'm yours, I'll be ok.", Phil says, with so much sureness in every word. 

It barely comes out as even a whisper, but Dan takes in every word, letting every inch of his body soak it up. They've kissed before, a couple times, but it was never anything like this. It was so sure, neither of them questioning if it was okay, if they were over stepping some imaginary boundary. This is what a kiss should be like. 

But it was over just as quickly as it had began. Dan doesn't complain though, he knows there will be more. 

"We can take things slow.", Dan says. 

Dan's face is buried in Phil's sweater, the material a little irritating against his face, but he doesn't mind it. Phil's hands are pressed firmly around the boy, afraid that Dan would disappear if he let go.

"We don't have to tell anyone, and we don't have to change anything. We can just let it play out, see what happens.", he mutters into Phil's chest, more to himself than the other. 

"But do we get to kiss, and hold hands, and say I love you, and everything else?", Phil asks. 

Dan smiles, "Of course, you dork."

Phil chuckles, "Ok, c'mon. Your parents are probably wondering where we are."

Dan doesn't ever want to leave this moment, but he knows that time keeps going and it doesn't stop for anyone, he just hopes that it'll last a little longer for them both.

They decided to take the stairs, and neither of them admit it but it's because they wan't to spend as much time together as possible before they have to pretend again in front of Dan's parents. 

"So, do they know?", Phil asks quietly when they're climbing up the steps. 

Dan doesn't need him to elaborate, he knows what he means. 

"No, I don't think they'd be very...supportive of it."

Phil just nods, not saying anymore. He's never had to deal with the burden of hiding it from his parents, they both were very supportive when he told them. He never had to worry about getting kicked out or disowned, so he doesn't really know what to say to comfort Dan. 

"You're not mad, are you?"

Phil looks taken back, but Dan does't know why it comes as a shock that he would ask that. 

"No, of course not. Why would I be?"

Dan sighs, "Well not everyone is ok with hiding it."

Phil can tell that Dan's holding back something, but he doesn't want to push him. Had he dated someone that was upset over the fact that Dan couldn't come out? 

"It's a personal choice, and their your parents, I'm not gonna make you do anything that can risk you loosing them." 

Dan just smiles at him, hoping Phil could tell that, that was his way of saying thanks. 

When they get back to the house all the lights are turned off, and the living room was empty. 

"I guess we're a little late.", Dan says, setting down the bag of food onto the table as quietly as he could. 

"We can just do it tomorrow night."

Dan nods, slipping off his jacket. 

"Um, I told my parents they could take my room, but the guest room isn't quite set up yet and-"

"You don't have to ask, Dan.", Phil says with a grin on his face. 

He slips his hand into Dan's and starts to pull him towards the direction of his home. Phil's eager to finally be able to sleep tonight. He's been running on only a few hours of sleep for the past two days, and he's sure it was the same for Dan. 

Dan smiles to himself when he feels the anxious tug at his sleeve as he was locking the door behind him. He doesn't object anymore of that though, letting Phil take him in and doing whatever he wanted him to do. He'd follow Phil to the ends of the world if that's where the boy wanted to go. 

"Do you want to borrow some of my clothes?", Phil asks, leading Dan into his bedroom. 

"Ok.", Dan says quietly. 

Phil flips on the small lamp on his nightstand. It creates an orb of light on the ceiling, illuminating the corner, and barely touching the walls of the room. 

"Here."

Phil hands him a pair of sweats and a t shirt. He has a pair of clothes in his own arms, and Dan's about to leave the room, wanting to give Phil his privacy, when he started to unbutton his pants right in front of him. His entire faces turns scarlet, the words getting caught in his throat. 

"Um, P-Phil?"

Phil laughs, obviously at his awkwardness. 

"You really think I care, Dan? Aren't you my boyfriend after all?"

Dan's heart stops a little. Oh right, he thinks, Phil is his boyfriend. His breath gets taken away a little when Phil takes off his shirt, letting it drop to the floor. 

"Are you going to get changed, I'm exhausted."

Dan suddenly remembers what's in his hands, and he quickly switches out of his clothes, not wanting Phil's eye's to linger too much. But Phil stops him before he can put the shirt on, with his hands around his waist and their lips against each others. Phil's hands are warm against his skin, it felt like he was burning him. It felt like he wasn't allowed to be making skin contact with the older boy. 

But Phil takes his hands away, and he walks over to the bed, patting the place next to him. Dan, heart still trembling from the contact, slowly walks over. He's shared a bed with Phil before, they've also slept on the couch together multiple times, but this was different. Before, it was merely just an 'accident' that they fell asleep on the couch together, but this...this was no accident. Dan wouldn't wake up having to be scared of what Phil would think of him because he was the one inviting him in. 

It's a little awkward and frustrating at first trying to find the best way to lay. They were both so tall, and they had never really done this before with each other. They didn't really know how the other one liked to sleep, if they liked to lay on their back or side. But finally, after about five minutes, the sheets settle down and so do they. They're facing each other on their sides, Phil has his head on Dan's arm, and his are tightly around the younger boy's waist. 

"Your arm's going to get tired.", Phil whispers. 

They were so close, Phil felt like he didn't even have to talk for Dan to understand him. 

"I'll probably fall asleep before it does."

Phil doesn't say anymore, fatigue crawling into his body and flowing through his veins. If Dan's arm got tired, he'd have to push him off, he's too tired to even do it himself. 

"Night, Dan.", Phil yawns out, snuggling in a little closer. 

Dan's having a hard time trying to process everything that was happening at the moment. Phil Lester, the boy he's been crushing on forever, the boy who lives right across the hall from him, the boy who said that he didn't return the feelings that Dan had, and Phil Lester, the boy sleeping in his arms at this very moment. He never knew it was possible to feel this way about someone. He's never dated, nor even had a friend that was anything like Phil, or had made Dan feel any thing remotely as close to...loved as this. He also doesn't think he's ever been this happy before. 

Dan decides that even if this will all end soon, and even if he wakes up tomorrow to the rising sun and find that this was all a dream, he'd be okay with it. Because at this moment, all he was feeling was what counted. He leans down, kissing Phil on the forehead and mutters out a 'good night' before he closes his own eyes, being content in the first time in years.


	11. Chapter 11

The bed is empty when Phil wakes up in the morning. He sits up, a little dazed from having just woken up. It takes him a few seconds to realize that the bed wasn't empty when he fell asleep in it last night, and it takes him a few more seconds to realize why it's bothering him so much that it is. He finally confessed his feelings to the one guy in the world who made him feel like it counted. He smiles, but then quickly remembers that Dan was no where in sight. 

He notices Dan's jeans still laying on the floor though, and he thinks that at least it's a good sign that Dan didn't decide over night that Phil was actually a loser, and decided to leave him. He walks out of the room, expecting Dan to be in the kitchen or living room, but the entire place was completely empty. Suddenly the door opens and a flustered looking Dan walks in. He doesn't notice that Phil's there until a second later, and he kinda jumps back in shock. 

"Fuck, you scared me, I thought you'd still be in bed."

Phil notices that the the room was barely lit despite the fact that the blinds were pulled back. 

"What time is it?"

Dan collapses onto the couch, "I think almost six."

"What?! What are you doing up at six? What am I doing up at six?"

Dan covers his eyes with his arm, letting out a sigh. 

"I don't know, I couldn't sleep. I woke up at four and I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't and by four thirty I felt like I was going to explode so I went out for a walk, but then I walked onto this street I didn't know and I couldn't find my way back and I was starting to freak out, but I just found my way back, and I'm so tired right now, but I don't think I can fall asleep either."

Phil looks at Dan, slowly processing the words because they came out way too fast for him to understand it all properly. He sits down next to him, though, wanting to comfort him slightly. Dan looks upset and he really doesn't think that look suits him. 

"Why can't you sleep, is something bothering you?", Phil asks, laying his head down on Dan's shoulder.

Dan lets out a shaky breath, leaning his head against Phil's. 

"I just couldn't stop thinking about stuff."

"Like what?"

Dan stays silent for a second, trying to find a way to make it so that Phil wouldn't be upset when Dan said it. But there's no way he can make it less than it is, he spent the entire morning trying to put his feelings into words, and there was only one way to do it. 

"I'm so in love with you, Phil. It's so scary because I've never loved anyone before like this, and I know it might be hard for you what with the whole Chris thing, but I'm so fucking in love with you. I know we've only known each other for a few months but I feel like I've known you all my life, and -"

Phil cuts him off by kissing him, cliche, and it hurts Phil's neck, but it does shut him up. When the kiss ends, Dan's hands are slightly trembling, but he's okay. 

"Sorry, but I needed to stop you to tell you that...um...I'm kinda hopelessly in love with you too."


	12. Chapter 12

Dan decided when he came to London that packing and moving was his least favorite thing to do. He hated it with all of his being. But right now, he couldn't be happier. Phil was helping him pack up the few things he had and helping him move them across the hall. 

"I'm excited to see who moves in after you.", Phil says, moving the last box into their home. 

"Just don't fall in love with them.", Dan says, looking through one of the boxes for his phone charger. 

Phil chuckles, helping Dan sort through his things. 

"Pj's coming over later for a little 'house warming' party. It's not really a house warming party because I've been living here for like four years, but...we thought it'd be nice.", Phil says, looking at Dan. 

Dan stands up and walks over to Phil, giving him a small peck on the cheek, "Sounds great, I can finally ask him about the whole youtube thing."


End file.
